How do you turn an ordinarily calm person into an emotional wreck? 

Beyond ReasonPresent them with a difficult decision; that involves lots of money; that affects their quality of life; that’s really difficult to undo.  In other words, buying and selling a home can unravel just about anyone.

One of my favorite courses at this years NAR was led by Daniel Shapiro, Director of the Harvard Negotiation Project.  He highlighted the five core emotional concerns that impact nearly every negotiation.  Through more than ten years of research they’ve learned that Appreciation, Autonomy, Affiliation, Status and Role effect every negotiation.  The key of course, is to fully understand the effects that these powerful emotional concerns have on the negotiation, and to use them to create trust and acceptance from the other party.

Of the five core emotions, the most universal tool in the tool-box is Appreciation.  If people feel misunderstood, devalued or unheard, you’re less likely to succeed in influencing the other party to your cause.  The second is Autonomy.  If people feel as if they have lost their freedom to make decisions without imposition, they begin to listen and cooperate less.

It’s surprising how much technology has changed the negotiating process in real estate.  It’s difficult to address a buyer or seller’s emotional concerns when most of your communication is by fax, email and phone.  The best agents understand the importance of communication, listening and building relationships.  They start by dealing with the emotional concerns of the other REALTOR.  If they can establish trust with them, they might open-up and reveal the true emotions and needs of their clients.

My favorite take-a-way from Mr. Shapiro:  “We have all been negotiating since we learned to cry for our milk.  Unfortunately, some people have not changed their strategy since”.